Demographics: Black Female, Mother, Undergraduate in Biology

Tags: Biology, Undergraduate, Food Insecurity, Job Hunting, Children, Religion, 

My name is Jewel. I am a mother of two beautiful children, but I'm by myself. I'm a good mother. They're successful, they're doing good. My son has finally decided to finish his physical therapy. I'm a very happy person. I believe I'm strong, I've been through a lot. I'm only one very honest person; if I need the help, I'm gonna tell you the truth. If I can't do it, I'm gonna tell you I can't do it. I'm not somebody that's gonna put on a fake front. If I can't, I'm gonna tell you I can't! If I don't know how, I'm gonna say I don't know how. So, you know, I've always been candid about keeping it 100% real about when I can do something, and when I can't. I'm always open to learning. I love being in school. I always loved reading. I speak multiple languages, I love basketball. I'm also a survivor of domestic violence. That's me. And my favorite color is blue!

Right now I'm doing biology. I'm having challenges with chemistry, not connecting with the instructor, and he's the only one who teaches it, so it's kinda rough. So, you gotta get through that instructor. It's like, "Hello! You can't go around me, you can't go sideways, you gotta get through me. You make it through me, you good baby!" 

It's probably bothering her a lot, 'cause I could tell. I try to mail her little cheap things that I can find online to make her smile, like a flower for $9.00. Something, anything to make her smile, to remind her that I'm really looking to be better. That's the only reason I did it and you're forever the person I love like that, you're my mom and I  truly love you. However, I had to make that move. That was a chess move I had to make. It was crucial. That chess move had to be made. It was so good that my son called me and was like, "Okay, I'm ready to go to school now." I had to make that chess move. I had to make it. It was like, "All right, I'm ready now. My vacation is over, I guess."

So, when I first got here, I had no job, you know? I was working little temp jobs. FedEx did me a solid, they hired me. Little jobs like Instawork, but then I got in trouble. Because racism is still real, but I don't like to say that because I don't consider myself a color, 'cause I'm an adult, I'm almost 50. But, you know, people still have this tainted thing in their minds. So, I don't let nobody bring that energy to me like that, I just always give them, spoon-feed it back to them, like, "No, thanks." But anyways. I wouldn't say racism impacted getting a job, 'cause white people love me. Racism is not even a white person, racism is another nationality that's been giving me a hard time. Because I speak Spanish, but I'm a darker Spanish. I'm not your typical-looking Latina. My dad is half-Spanish and Italian. White people hire me on the spot all the time. That's why I’m like, when black people talk about white people, I'm like, "Yeah, right. I don't think so." You know? No, I don't have problems with white people, sir. It be Latins that think they white. I mean, when I get a job from that white person, they see that I'm over-exceeding what they doing, and they try to give me a hard time. That's in the past in the South, the part that was really bad. Really bad. Yeah. Really bad. Really bad. Really, really, really bad.

I tell you bad, and I was a baddie. I was an overachiever. I mean, I'm talking I'm an admission's rep, right, and I'm getting my own referrals for a student that enrolls and starts, and parents that are signing $60,000 private school, technical school loans, $40,000, $30,000 programs. A university for surgical tech, things like medical assistants. $24,000, $50,000, $27,000 loans for these kids because of my understanding of listening to them, understanding them, and selling it and bringing them in. People hated me. That community hated me, 'cause they could never do what I did. They couldn't. All you had to do was just say, "Hi, Jewel. How do you do that? Can you take me with you one day when you go get referrals?" Instead of trying to... I went through hell with them.

Food insecurity is real. You know, it's real, you have to realize that America is still really high on hunger problems. When you don't have a job, and I raised two kids but I always was able to feed them, and that's why I'm so grateful. I never had issues with having my kids next to me not being able to make sure they ate. Now that I'm looking to be a doctor and I'm looking to do things for myself, it's getting real, because I don't have that husband there, you know what I'm saying? So I had to deal with that a lot.

It takes sacrifice, it's work, it's discipline. You gonna be hungry, you gonna be in the snow sometimes, but yes, you're gonna feel it, because this is something totally different that can set you up for generations if you do it properly.  If you become a good doctor, you can open a clinic, and you can pass it down. If you become a good doctor, you can open up a pharmacy. If you become a good psychologist, you can start a psychology firm. You know, everybody can't have that. You know, it's a sort of personality, it's a certain level of tolerance. That's why I understand that chemistry professor, that's why I'm not really tripping. It's like, “You gonna have to get through me, baby. And you know, I ain't trying to teach you. So if you wanna, you gonna have to teach yourself. You want this or not?” He is hard, like, bruh! So, that's why I'm not really trippin’ 'cause it's like, yo, you're not asking to bake cupcakes, Jewel, you're asking to be a doctor. I mean, he was extra with it, but, you know, I'm an adult, I'm an adult student. He'll be like, "Come on, now. Come on. As much as y'all parents like to push y'all children to be doctors, let's go." You know? “Let's go! It's not a joke." So, I have to apply myself to get a job that corroborates and that allows me to be a student and still allows me to eat. Still allows me to buy a nice wig and probably fix my teeth one day.  Stuff like that. I’ve got to get that job that just makes sense. And that's what I'm doing.

So if I could work at night and probably do two days in the daytime, I'll be straight. I'll be good. That's what I'm aiming for. That's while taking that chemistry professor’s class. Wish me luck. That's me, that's what I'm looking for; I need a night job and two days, or something, in the daytime, substituting and giving back to those kids. 'Cause I really feel like I could be a paraprofessional helping a teacher out in a class, 'cause I proved that with my kids. All jokes aside, they wanted to put my son on some medication 'cause they thought he had ADHD. I was like, "No he don't, he's got little boy-ism. He’s gonna grow out of that, or we not doing that.” I proved that he didn't need that. 

If I can get that job at night and two in the day, I'll be good. This is a beautiful place. Opportunity University is beautiful. I'm so grateful.  I was supposed to be in school in the city. My dad is right there. I could have gone to a dorm in the city, he was right there. I could have been, "Dad, can I meet you at the train so I can get..." But God was like, "No. We ain't finna be nobody little brat. Go." I was like, "Damn! Why, God? Why?" "Nope. You ain't finna drive this old man crazy and try to be... Nope. Nuh, Uh-huh. You are not cooking for him every day 'cause he didn't cook for you even twice a week, or even once a week. He left your mother. No. You’re gonna have to make this happen yourself." I was like, "Dang man, I could've just been chilling.  This is my chill time.” No chill time for me, I guess. I have no chill. I have no chill, I promise. I wish I had some chill. I need chill time. This was my chill time, I raised two kids. My daughter's 25, my son is 28, and I still have no chill. I still can't have no chill time. This is crazy.

I make ends meet with some support from my dad and I have this guy that I'm talking to, but we kind of rocky, but he's trying to make it himself. You know how you see somebody that's not even there yet, but they're trying to help you and they're not even fully there? I respect that. You know what I'm saying? 'Cause you're not even fully there yet and you still not selfish and you are still trying to help someone else. So I really respect him for that. But at times we are far away, so it's like, you way over there, I'm way over here. What are you doing over there? I'm not in that market, okay, I don't go out for drinks. I'm not out there. I'm not like that. I'm a grown person, I'm not in my 20s, so you gotta remember, when you talk to me, remember I'm almost 50. I have two big kids. I'm not trying to get my groove back. I'm not in the market. I'm not that! So I have to remind him sometimes, like, relax grandma, I ain't dating nobody, you know I'm in school. We are already struggling, we trying to make it, so how would I be dating? Uh, where?  What, this little town?  Nah, we ain't doing that. I don't even have time to walk to the next town. You’re tripping. Are you all right?  It'll be a little trust issues or whatever, but, you know, I'm grateful for my circle. I got friends in really weird places that I'm grateful for. I got people who pray for me and I'm just happier that I made that decision to leave the South because of the domestic violence, the history with the employers, with the people that they would hire. Oh my god. It was like you hire us and I'm doing my job, but then you hire like a bunch of mice and then you hire a cat.  You’re trying to kill ‘em all! You trippin’. No, bruh, you trippin’, man, you tripping. That ain't gonna work. So, you know, I like to be in an atmosphere where the person that's doing the hiring, 'cause I'm not trying to be a boss of nobody. That's why my daughter being a boss, that is given. That's straight A’s, I can see it. That's her mentality. “Can we go to Starbucks now, please?” And that's the final. It’s not even a real question. That's her. Like, that's my daughter. So her being a manager, I ain't even trippin’, I see that. That's not me though. You know what I'm saying? I'm a different type of personality. I'm more like, "All right, I understand." You know, my son? Hell no. He ain't friendly either. These two monsters, they a whole other ballgame. They just built different. They built different. That's how I know it's God, you know, they just different. They different. They understand. My daughter's stern, my son’s stern, and they not trying to be like nobody. You know what I'm saying? They just trying to be themself. But, with me, if I can just do that, get a job, and be there, I would be good. That's why I'm happy to be here. 

I’m different from those mothers because I no longer have the kids under me like that. My daughter, she's already a psychologist. I put that work into her, I sacrificed already to make sure she got where she needed to get, even to the point where God is allowing me to even be in a school setting to be able to study myself now.

The reason why I'm different from other parents is because I actually did sacrifice. I actually did not buy a lot of things that I wanted. I had a good husband, but I went and ate breakfast with them every day in school, before school. I mean, I might not look like it, but I sat there. Every morning, I paid twenty-five dollars to eat cereal with them and to remind them that I know what school they go to. I know you go here, so behave, do your work. All right? Check the homework. So we a little different. I'm grateful that God allowed me to have these types of gifts to even get my kids to even be decent people. Not being in trouble, not being biased. My son don't even want braids in his hair, he don't even wanna look as hip-hop, and he’s the best beat engineer and beat-maker, like a Beethoven, that you will ever meet. Yes. He makes songs like techno, all types…He's good.

Then you got my daughter that's anti-social, but she's blossoming. I don't even have her next to me like that, but God is so good. That it's like she's right here, like, I'm seeing it. “Oh my god. She’s a manager.” What? She's doing so good.  I don't want to break that relationship with her dad. You know what I'm saying? I'm okay. 'Cause You see how I am with my dad. But my dad sending me money right now, so I respect that. You know I'm your mom, but I ordered donuts the other day, you just had one at my mom's house, so you know we still connected.  There's no hard feelings there. But that's daddy's little girl. I'm okay with that. I allowed that, so I'm okay with that. I'm chilling. So that's how we different. You gotta respect that game. You got to understand that kids are not parents, they're children and they have needs. We have to be able to do that for them or else we'll be in big trouble. Nobody else is gonna raise your child for you. Unless you talking about Juvenile Justice or the jail, and they ain't even trying to raise the kid for you. It's done.

So, I always trust a good community with my children when I drop them off, but I always have breakfast with them, I always taught them that I eat with them, dinner. You know, little things like that. It could be Chef Boy... Baby, we used to eat Voila, okay?  You know that bag of pasta, with bread. There were three things on the plate. We always ate together, talked together, and drank juice together. "Momma, you know what happened at school today?" Listen to them, they're trying to tell you something. We are a little different. I'm just happy that right now that I'm not doing so good with money, but I'm blessed, still, for sure. I'm blessed still, but God is always providing for me. I'm just happy my kids don't have to see that. You know you don't have no money for juice. But when my son came, he saw me eating a lot. He was like, "I thought you'd be saying you don't have no money, how the hell are you making all this food?" My son trippin’. So I'm just grateful for things like that.

Being a student and dealing with all of this showed me that, spiritually, that God is real. Because for me to even be here is spiritual. I was in a dark hole. Even though I raised my kids, honed them, like a machine. I called it an accelerated program. 'Cause, to be honest with you, to tell you right now standing here that I have a 28-year-old male child and have a 25-year-old daughter that's already at UM as a supervisor, that's not me, that's God.

But that's what helped me with my son, 'cause my son was trying. He was trying to give me a run for my money. I could tell you that much. In Kindergarten and before he got into first grade, he was trying but I nipped that in the bud quick. Like, no. Then he stopped. Yeah, he got, we got back on track. My son tried to give me a run for my money early, real early. He did.