My name is Magenta. I am a senior Biological Science major. I'm a transfer student. I transferred not this past fall, but the fall before, so I've been here almost two years now. I have taken off some time from school. Now, I'm back, hopefully working towards my dreams. I'm an outdoorsy girl. I like to go on hikes. I like to try and identify plants and find mushrooms. I like to forage and basically, if I'm outside, I'm happy.Yeah, so the last time I was in school, I was struggling with mental health issues. I found it increasingly difficult to be, not only a full-time student, but also having a full-time job to be able to support myself. So I ended up taking some time off, just so I could save up money and figure out what I actually wanted. This would just be so I could get myself situated so that when I would eventually go back to school, I would be able to handle it better.

When I made the decision to come back to school, I had to make a choice. I knew if I wanted to be able to focus and do well, I wouldn't be able to work the same amount of hours that I was working before. So I ended up going to school and not having a job for the first time since I was 18. And I'm 23, so it was a transition to, like, not be working and just relying off of what I had saved up. And when you're working, it's very different than not working, 'cause, you go through expenses in a way when you're working. 'Cause it's like, “Oh, it's okay. I'll get more like next week. Or the week after. And like, it's not a big deal.” But when you're not working, all you have is what you've got. And you've gotta make it last. And I just ended up having bills and I have also had, health struggles as well. So a lot of my money, unfortunately, went to paying medical bills.

One time that stands out was probably about a month ago. I didn't even realize it, but I had some issues with my card. I had to get a replacement card, and I ended up messing up payments for my therapy. So I had a backlog of payments and I had planned everything out like, “Okay, this is the money that I need for this bill for the week, this is the money I have for food.” And then I get a call about this backlog of bills that I had. And they're very understanding. They're very nice. And I appreciate it. But it's still money that would've gone towards sustaining myself. I had to live off, like, $1 for the week and it was really frustrating, and scary, and… I don't know. It's something that, when you're young, you don't think about money. You're just like, “Oh, someone's taking care of it.” Whether your parents, grandparents, whatever. But seeing $1 in your bank account as an adult, it's like, “What do I do?” I mean, there's no one here to bail me out. This is it. I need to make this work.I'm just grateful for the University pantry because they really helped me out in situations like that. Stuff like that has occurred multiple times, where medical bills ended up being charged in a way that I didn't think they were gonna be charged, or I thought they already took it out and they didn't.

It's hard to accept help from other people, but the University pantry's been so amazing. Everyone who works there, is so nice and kind, and it doesn't make it, like, an embarrassing experience, you know? It makes you feel like you're welcomed, and it's okay that you're there. And that they're there to help out.  I'm so grateful for the University pantry, honestly.Then last semester I ended up having a situation where every single time I would wanna go to the University pantry, I had to go to class, and STEM classes, you can't be late or you're missing something really important and you're gonna be behind. So I had to sacrifice having consistent food. I ended up being able to set up an appointment, which really helped me out. I have a consistent appointment that I go in once a week. And that's where I get probably like half my meals from. So usually, the food that I get from there lasts me about a week. I have found that while they do offer veggies and sometimes fruits and meats, I feel like a lot of times, most of what I'm finding there that's in larger quantities, or what's still there when I get there, it's like pasta, or rice, or canned. Canned goods are good, you know? I appreciate my canned goods. They have saved me. You gotta, like, try things out. But I have found that they'll have a lot of different snacks and stuff, which I will get. But I know it isn't the best for me, always. Sometimes, I'll have some of those left over. But anything like veggies, fruit, or meat is gone within the week. And usually quicker.

I am also very grateful for my partner, Mr. Bean, he works as a cook at a restaurant. So sometimes he'll bring me free meals, 'cause he knows that helps out. So I know that if I need it, he can, he can bring stuff.  I usually go to his place on the weekends, so it's, like, for a weekend, I don't have to worry. But Mr. Bean is also in a difficult financial situation, so it's not really like I can just be like, "Oh, go buy this, or go buy this. Or get me take-out whenever I want.” But I definitely feel like he plays a role in my planning, 'cause, like, if he's gonna come see me, then maybe a meal that would last me like two or three days, is gonna last me like one day. So it definitely plays into that. I know for him too, a lot of his meals consist around stuff that he's getting at his shop or that he's making in his shop. So it's like if I'm gonna get this meal now, leftovers will be lunch tomorrow. It's a lot of managing that around. If that makes sense?

Throughout my story, I've always struggled with time management and seeing the big picture. So, honestly, time has always played a factor in everything. Time, when am I gonna get paid? You know? That time period of, “This is the money I have for this amount of time. And I have only this amount of time to do a homework assignment. Am I gonna be able to get it done, while also being able to do everything I need to do to sustain my well-being?” It's all things that I already have always struggled with, and then when you add in not just having accessible needs, like food, different things like that, it becomes more of a, “I actually had to develop this skill a lot more.”It’s changed a bit since coming back to school. I've had to organize myself a lot more. I always struggled with making a schedule and keeping it. It’s pretty wild, 'cause a schedule helps keep me in order and it's something I love about school. It provides me with a structure, but I'm so bad at providing it for myself. So I think that since I've been back at school, just like reinforcing the structure it already provides for me. And I make a lot of lists. I'll write out what assignments I have to do. What needs to be done? When? What food do I have for the week? How can I incorporate this and make these ingredients, like, into a meal? So just lots of lists. Lots of time, honestly trying to figure out where am I delegating time to what.

I have to spend a lot of time cooking, too. So that's also like a chunk since I'm not going out to eat. I have to calculate it, and “Okay, well, I have this much time before I have to go do this. This is how much time I have to cook.” So that's also something that plays a role, and I could've been working on an assignment in between classes. But I have to cook this meal. But if I cook this meal now, I don't have to do it later. Or different things like that. So it's kinda like a give and take of where energy could go, based on what I have available. I feel like when I am struggling more, it makes anything that has to do with school 10 times harder, because if I'm not fueled up, it's hard to focus, I don't wanna do it, and usually I don't feel the best. So I feel like it's definitely impacted just my overall ability to do stuff with school.It's impacted things outside of class too. My roommates and I live on campus, and my roommates are all nice people. I love them and they're my friends. But there are times where everyone else is making food for everyone else, like, I'll always say yes if they're making food, but then, it kinda stinks, 'cause I'm not in the situation where I have extra food to necessarily be just offering and giving out. So there's that, like, imbalance in that, that just is stressful and sucks.Not being able to give when my roommates can, it's really frustrating. There are some times that it impacts me more than others, 'cause I can only be upset about it for so many hours of the day before I have to go on and get something done.

So I've skipped meals numerous times before. Especially, if I'm trying to ration out what I get for the week from the University pantry in the proteins and milk or whatever. It's like, is this something I need now? That's something I have to ask myself a lot. Is this something I need now? Or can I hold off a couple of hours? Until the next day? It's usually times that I need the energy, I need the focus. Let's say I have something I have to work on, and in the moment when I'm working on something, where my mind is distracted, I'm like, “I'm okay, I don't need to eat.” But it's not really until I'm in bed, trying to go to sleep, and my stomach hurts 'cause I'm hungry. But I need to try and restrain myself, 'cause I don't really have the ability to satiate that at the time. It's embarrassing, and it sucks, but it's the situation I'm in right now, trying to hopefully be able to provide for myself better in the future.